"Haters gon' hate."
Some of my sisters (I have FOUR! Yikes.) like to make comments about my body. They're at least a decade younger than me so they do have different up-bringing than I, but even as a kid, making comments about someones body wasn't "wrong" or "bad" so when they say things about me, I try not to take it personally. They are, after all, teenagers and, though I love them, their comments do not change my perception of myself. I know who I am. I know what I want. I know who I want to be. So what does it matter? Right?
It depends.
If they were strangers, I really would not care but comments from family DO bother me, no matter how hard I try to not let it get to me. No, they don't bother me to the point where I cry or have a bad day or even linger in it but, in the moment, for that second, it stings. Why lie, right?
I'll give an example: I went by last night and my 17 year old sister called me "she man" which was, okay, not bad. Really, she's made comments about me having muscle before so it didn't surprise me. But THEN she and my 15 year old sister started to actually stare at my body and criticize it. "You're losing your butt.", and things of that sort. I was taken aback by that simply because, for the first time since becoming an adult, I actually felt like I was under some microscope, being analyzed and critiqued for my body, and it kind of took me back to when I was a teenager myself, putting MYSELF under a microscope. I wondered the usual, the most cliche thing that mom's always tell their kids: Are they jealous?
I really don't know the answer to that question and actually doubt they have any desire to have muscle, but I do know that they wish to lose weight so it crossed my mind. Or are they just plain ol' meanies? Haha. In any case, I don't think they wanted to hurt my feelings but I also don't think they know what impact their words can have, especially on another teenager who, unlike me, might be insecure with their body image.
The truth is this: It stings, if even for a minute, when family makes comments like that but...BUT... I remember being a teenager, looking at myself in the mirror and wanting to FIX so many things about myself. Not two years ago, I would undress to shower, look at myself in the mirror and shake my head in disappointment. Outings would almost always start with me rummaging through size 13 clothes, feeling defeated and upset that I "didn't have any clothes" (i.e., nothing fit right). Now...laugh if you want, but I sometimes pose in front of the mirror...haha...and I love...LOVE...who I see staring back at me. I feel GREAT in my clothes...and I'm actually typing this with tears in my eyes because I've never been happier with my body and it took me SO long to learn to appreciate and love my body for what it is, for what it has (stretch marks, for instance), for what it can do day in and day out and for its possibilities. The most amazing thing is that I have learned to love my body with EVERY SINGLE imperfection. I don't have a flat stomach, I still have cellulite but through this journey, I have seen what my body can do if I take care of it and THAT is what made me learn to love it no matter WHAT size I am or what imperfection it carries.
I love how clothes fits me and I love what getting healthier did for my HEART. Getting fit isn't just about what's on the outside. Getting healthier made me a better person because it make me more compassionate towards those who struggle this struggle, it made me a better citizen because I reach out and volunteer to help those who wouldn't be able to get help without paying, it made me wiser, it made me stronger in every sense, it made me a better mother, and it made me a better wife and lover.
I can't control what others think of my body, much less what they say about it. I can only control MY emotions, MY reactions, MY body and that's all I need, really. That's all we ALL need. In the end, it's YOUR body and you do with it what you want. Only you control what goes in it and how you let it fuel you. Do not...I repeat...do not ever let anyone make you feel like something or someone that you are not, whether they are "joking" or not.
Do you know what you want from your body? If you do, then go get it.
